wow my brother was telling me this joke and he said
"if you’re fighting with a woman and she pulls a knife on you, just pull out the bread and cheese and meat and her womanly instincts will kick in and she’ll just make you a sandwich"
then all of a sudden our mom emerges from the kitchen holding a huge ass knife and she approaches my brother asking “sorry what was that?” and he started screaming
this show is a gift
i can’t fucking stand jennifer lawrence but for the love of god don’t reblog her fucking leaked nudes they obviously weren’t meant to be put out there spreading them around makes you just as bad as whoever leaked them & i will unfollow you im not kidding i don’t care how close we are.
what if every time u unzipped your pants it made the skype opening sound effect
im a fuckening nerd but at least i dont play league of legends
seeing a hot stranger in public is a blessing
seeing the same hot stranger in public again is a sign
he tried to be slick smh.